I never thought I would become a person paralysed by fear…
I’ve always been the sort of person to relish a challenge. My stubborn nature has always served me well in that respect. If anyone told me I couldn’t do something, I took great pride in replying ‘watch me’.
It’s certainly an attitude that helped me build a successful business from scratch. Enjoying rising to the many and varied challenges that presented themselves.
That was until, a couple of business decisions backfied and for the first time ever, I was staring at desolation. Debts were mounting, I had sold every asset I had to keep things going, and still I couldn’t make it work.
I had the pressure of providing for my family, staff and parents. For the first time ever, everything I knew was at risk. My home, my business, everything I own. Nothing was safe.
Something happens to us when our lives are threatened in some way. We resort to our survival mode. That state where all of our higher faculties are ‘switched off’ and all we can think about is surviving.
Now back in cave man days, in the event of a bear attack, it makes sense that all of our energy gets diverted to our muscles so we can move out of the way. And once the threat has gone, we return to a state of calm.
However, when the threat is ongoing and not resolved by fight or flight, then survival mode works against us in every way…
That sick feeling opening a letter or answering the phone, wanting to hide away in a box so no-one can find you, existing through each day, putting on a brave face, praying that no-one see’s how scared you really are. Frantically trying to find solutions, waking up in the darkness of the night, sweating and shaking, haunted by the ‘what ifs’. Unable to eat with the stress of it all. And on and on it goes…
It doesn’t take a genius to realise that this isn’t sustainable. At some point something is going to break. In my case, it was me.
One night, as I lay in a heap on he floor, totally exhausted and broken. I gave up. I admitted that I couldn’t carry on anymore and I surrendered everything. I cried until there were no more tears. I admitted defeat, I had lost the fight, I’d got nothing left to give.
In that moment, as clear as if someone was speaking in my ear, I heard the words ‘this is your business, your life, you get to choose’. And then, as though I was in a cinema, a film played out in front of me of all of the decisions I had made that had got me to this point.
I realised one thing… every decision that had led me to this place was done so out of alignment with who I truly am. This path as it was had to end, it was never mine to walk…
Lots of tough decisions followed as I had to shed all that wasn’t me and didn’t serve me or the business.
And life got easier. In a very short space of time the business doubled its turnover and life became safer.
And so we all sailed off into the sunset to live happily ever after right?
I remained paralysed by fear for the 12 months that followed that night. Yes I did what needed to be done to shift course, but I had become deeply traumatised by the almost daily threats to everything I knew.
I no longer trusted myself, I felt a huge failure, I had panic attacks about ‘going back’ to that place. I couldn’t see my future or dream big. I couldn’t set goals. I was stuck.
I look back on that time now with such love and compassion for that Debbie, the one who lost herself and then beat herself up for not knowing, for not being better, doing better. Who fell victim to that incessant critical voice that wouldn’t quit. Who was trying so hard to be different, to be the strong person she always was.
It’s why my heart breaks when I see anyone struggling like this. Stuck in that place of fear, believing they have to find the way forward, it’s all on them to figure it out.
Because it truly isn’t.
It’s your job to reconnect with your soul, your truth and allow that to be the guide.
That is what finally shifted me out of fear. It’s where I found myself again. That fearless teenager who climbed mountains, that young woman who became one of the youngest counsellors in the country, who left home at 18, who loved the energy of a new challenge.
Because this journey isn’t about facing no challenges, it’s about knowing with your whole being, that the ones you’re being guided to are for your own expansion.
And that’s my invitation to you today.
There really is no need to spend your life in fear, anxiety and worry. It’s a sign you’re lost in the BS of your mind, you’re trapped in a story and life that’s not really you.
All you need to do, is turn inward, where all of the answers you seek live.
Join me as I guide you through this journey for free here.